Parenting is never easy. Divorcing and co-parenting with someone who absolutely hates you and your very existence is even more difficult. Add to that a child with behavioral issues and two co-parents not on the same page it is a hundred times more difficult. Through out this blogging journey, I have talked about our daughter and some of the behavioral issues we have dealt with.
It wasn’t until our daughter was in first grade that we finally received the diagnosis of ADHD. I was not shocked by the diagnois. I had done research, joined facebook groups and had been leaning towards the possibility of her having ADHD. When I mentioned ADHD to my ex, he told me I just want to make excuses for her and label her so that I didn’t have to deal with her behaviors. Even to this day he believes I make excuses for her behaviors.
I don’t claim to be an expert on ADHD, but I am fully aware and have an understanding of the behaviors our daughter can exhibit. Prior to her diagnosis, I was using supplements to help during school and different ADHD workbooks for children. When our pediatrician recommended medication, I knew I wasn’t going to say no. Our daughter is an amazing girl, who truly tries so hard to make the best choices, but at times she doesn’t have control over her body. I knew with medication we were doing what was in her best interest.
Her dad had an opposite opinion on medications. He thought by medicating her, we were going to make her an addict. Luckily our pediatrician is great and countered every point my ex-husband made with facts and even suggested articles. After a couple of weeks he finally came around and we medicated our daughter. I hoped the first medication our pediatrician placed her on worked because my ex-husband said we weren’t going to continually try medications. If the first one didn’t work that was the only one he wanted to try. Luckily for our daughter the first medication worked and she was a whole new girl. We were now getting positive emails in school and you could tell she was starting to feel better about herself.
Even with the ADHD diagnosis and the medication, my ex-husband doesn’t want to learn or understand even a little piece of ADHD. This school year started out great, but a month in behaviors started. She wasn’t doing the best job at making the best choices, she wasn’t always listening 100%. We met with her teacher and had multiple emails from her teachers. My ex husband would tell me I needed to punish her so she understands what she did wrong, but I don’t think grounding her for days on end would have been helpful. I went the route of drawing our feelings throughout the day before bedtime, cuddling a little more so we can have quality time and talk about what went on during the day. I talked to her about good and bad choices and consequences for those choices.
We finally had our 3 month follow up with our pediatician and I told him what was going on over the last month at school. He suggested increasing her medication since she was on the lower dose anyways. After the appointment, my ex husband raged texted me telling me I am full of excuses for her, drugging her up and parenting in a whimsical way. He continued to tell me she would eventually get kicked out of school or suspended and will end up thanking him later in life because I was the one setting her up for long term failure. For whatever reason he truly believes threatening our children is the type of punishment they need. I will never be the parent who threatens her children. I have boundaries and rules in my house, but I also allow them to voice their opinions and speak their mind in respectful, kind ways. Just because they are kids doesn’t mean they don’t have feelings and can’t use their voice.
The positive of all of this and kind of like a big F you to my ex-husband is that after the increase in medications, our daughter was back to making great choices in school and listening. Two days after her medication increase she received the secret student award in her class. This award is given to one student who is being safe, kind and responsible. For me, this proves an increase in medication make a whole world of difference. I won’t let one negative human change how I parent. My kids show me everyday that my parenting style works for us. They are amazing, respectful and kind humans. They can voice their feelings safely and openly at my house and that is exactly how I want things to be for us.